my belief in 'Trust' is at an all time low... but not lost.

A bloke's 2003 online journal
June-December
I'm just going with the flow.
the red/green 'highlighted' words are links to deeper stuff.

"The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."
Omar Khayyam

Wednesday 31st December 2003

The year ended in pleasant company, .

across the road at the Masonic Hall in Ellesmere Port,
remembering, as I look toward 2004,
forgetting Failure and accepting Feedback,
hoping that I can continue the positive growth.
I tried a few times to contact Sylvia, to wish her well for 2004
but Michael later told me that his Mum was poorly with Tonsillitis,
which concerned me.

Earlier I moved the Webcam onto my main pc
but when Doug and I had a bash at MSN Messenger,
we couldn't get any audio.

Monday 29th December
I hate clearing blocked drains and,
even after showering, changing and inhaling Olbas oil,
I can't get rid of the memory.

Started sorting the piles of unsorted mail,
research, responsibilities, etc.
in readiness for the New Year approaching,
but once again, other peoples problems,
 this time, Peter's, pc problems, led me astray.

Ralph popped in and, he and Peter, enjoyed experiencing
my most intriguing Christmas present, a Plasma Light.
I've already given a 'Lava Lamp' to Michael,
 on a previous Christmas.

Sally contacted me in the evening, on MS Messenger text,
and I enjoyed exploring some of the chat features, Emoticons, etc.,
with her, and I really look forward to getting the webcams set-up soon.

Vince phoned with best wishes
and didn't mention that I hadn't updated his website.

Got to the end of the 'Introduction'
to The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram.
and must now try and decipher my notes.

Sunday 28th December
I was chuffed to receive a phone call
from another long lost Friend, David,
just up the road'ish, in Mold,
and I look forward to meeting up with him, and his Family again, soon.

I followed a tear roll, as I listened to Neil Young sing
'From Hank to Hendrix' (Harvest Moon CD)
and felt the Empathy.

Friday 26th December
Relaxed and explored some of the nice things
that we had received the day before
before Sarah and Mark returned to their home in the evening
and Michael and Kerry went with them,
to be at work for 4 in the morning.

Thursday 25th December
We had a lovely Christmas Day,
and when Sylvia phoned,
I'ish and the Children were able to wish her well
and, after sharing my new Dire Straits DVD\CDs
and a lovely meal, which Sarah had lovingly prepared
and, after a merry 'Christmas snooze',
we started playing games at the table, Monopoly, etc
which led to a happy 4.30 am sleep.

Wednesday 24th December
After driving Michael to work and collecting Mark,
Sarah's Presents and preparations,
I went and did a token Xmas shop,
but haven't been able to write any Xmas Cards\E-mails this Year.

Sarah and Michael arrived, after finishing work,
and, after I had taken the chance to phone Sally,
friends greeting as though it were yesterday
across so many Christmas years past,
we went across to the Woody,
which was a happy heaving festive mass,
and I tried some interesting eye monitoring.

Tuesday 23rd December
Got a Christmas Tree
and enjoyed dressing it, and the room,
in festive colours.

Sunday 21st December
Michael and Sarah went out for a nice meal with their Mum.

Saturday 20th December
Our 26th Wedding Anniversary.

Friday 19th December
Received the first three Modules
of the remote training course
for a "Certificate in Life Coaching"
and felt easy enough with my scalp, that I had a haircut
and while I'm saddened by the loss, I'm fascinated by NLP.

Thursday 18th December
Attended the Hooton Park Christmas Meeting
and was well aware that Sylvia wasn't with me.

Wednesday 17th December
I accepted my Poetesses thoughts,
'because I feel we have met at the wrong time or some such thing'.

Tuesday 16th December
I'm chuffed at the noticeable Health improvements.

Monday 15th December
I was pleased when Michael told me that he and Sarah
were going to spend Time with their Mum next Sunday.

Started reading (properly)
The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram
Nine Faces of the Soul
by Sandra Maitri.
but life continues to distract my study.

Sunday 14th December
Enjoyed a visit to see my Mother and Sister
before Enjoying a lovely meal with my Poetess
and a wonderful understanding of Spiritual Essence.

Saturday 13th December
Michael and I picked up a Carpet Cleaner
in readiness for Kerry's return on Tuesday
and Sarah informed me
that she was meeting her Mum tomorrow
and I asked her to pass-on my love.

Trixie went missing.

Wednesday 10th December
Received a letter from the Social Security Office, stating
"There are no earnings to be taken into account
 and your assets can be disregarded for 26 weeks"
so I assume that I'm in the system now.

Monday 8th December
Decided to post the completed 'Life Coaching' application Form.

Friday 5th December
I attended the 30th anniversary of the 'Chester Poets'
and was pleased to see how they had developed,
since my brief time as a '70's Poet' and, at the close,
I accepted the invitation for coffee with an intriguing Poetess.

The ripples of time passed sensuously through the night
as we explored Giselle, Kafka and Hesse,
flowing through undulating thoughts
beyond mere physical procreation,
to a oneness with the bird-song dawn finale.

Thursday 4th December
Received a Mailshot/application form
to partake in a, free, 'Life Coach'
'distant learning' training course.

Tuesday 2nd December
Sarah and Mark joined Michael and I in the evening
and we discussed how to make the best
of the 'Festive Season', so soon upon us.

Thursday 27th November
Received a nice surprise E-mail
from another long lost friend, Pam,
informing me that there was a 'Chester Poets' anniversary
that I might enjoy attending... expectations meeting time.

Tuesday 25th November
Saw my Doctor and was signed off poorly
for another three months.

Saturday 22nd November 2003
After stopping up all night,
to make sure that I was awake
to watch England win the Rugby World Cup,
I enjoyed playing with some optical tricks.

Friday 21st November
Three months of anguish aren't exactly conducive to 'finding yourself'
but I'm pretty confident that I now know my Enneagram type,
but it's not been as straightforward as I anticipated
as, during these last 3 weeks, I've had days
where I thought I was a 2, 7 or 9,
and I must now accept that I'm a 5.

Wednesday 19th November
Sarah came here and took me across to the Woody for a nice chat
before I held a Lüscher session for us all.

Monday 17th November
I was shocked to receive a phone call from Sylvia,
and wish I could get my head around her interpretation of what's going on,
but I was able to talk civilly, but still couldn't sleep.

Sunday 16th November
Tried to relax and get my head around the depth of the Enneagram
while attacking the painful bits of my body.

Saturday 15th November
My Son-in-Law, Mark, and his friend Mark,
came around and took me to the Woody for a Pint
and a chat.

Friday 14th November
Received three books in the post, on the Enneagram,
as well as the report from my Solicitor
and all was made clear.

Thursday 13th November
I must accept that I am in physical pain.

Wednesday 12th November
Saw an efficient Solicitor, but I'm not sure what happened,
and then I called in to the Hospice of the Good Shepherd office
to chat about their website.

Tuesday 4th November
Tony invited me to join him in the pub quiz at the Woody and,
after our last attempt, I was pleased that Michael and Kerry had come along
to provide youthful knowledge.

Monday 3rd November
Found a Solicitor, who will handle Legal Aid
for a poor and distressed respondent,
as I wonder at events unfolding.

Arrived, via a Roman Catholic Church web page,
on 'New Age' concepts,
and was intrigued to be led to The Enneagram.

Tried to relax, as I attacked my skin.

Saturday 1st November
After retiring to bed about 6.30 in the morning,
in a pleasantly befuddled state,
Michael, Kerry and I
later enjoyed a home delivery Kebab meal,
rather than moving too fast,
as we watched TV and chatted
before we all had an early bed.

Unable to sleep again
I was able to watch an England Rugby match live
before any sleep was enjoyed.

Friday 31st October
Sarah and Mark came here, along with Michael's Friends,
and I enjoyed mixing with them all,
as they laughed, while a Halloween party evolved.

Thursday 30th October
The first 'Divorce' papers arrived from the 'Court'
and I was so dismayed to read such a complaint,
and, after speaking to Sarah & Michael,
 I accepted that I must seek legal advice.

After he spoke with Sarah,
Michael showed me the letter that his Mum had written
on the day of her abdication.

Tuesday 28th October
My body has cancelled out the benefits
of the Sun Shower, with a vengeance.

Sunday 26th October
I received a phone call from Michael and was chuffed
to accept his invite and joined his young friends, in the Woody, for a Pint
before we all listened to a bit of Dire Straits...
'Youth' can appreciate 'old' thoughts.

Saturday 25th October
Mitch popped in, with a Bottle of Scottish cheer
and I later toasted his, and Tom's, health, as I watched, on TV,
John Mayall's 70th Birthday celebration.
I hope that I can now pull myself together sufficiently
that next Monday brings some positive thinking.

Friday 24th October
I accepted Boyde's invitation, to enjoy a Ceremony
and a three-course meal again
but wondered again at my understanding of my self-confidence level.

Thursday 23rd October
After an interesting chat with Barry and Ben in the evening,
I returned home and found a nice new TV Channel, Classic FM TV,
which helped me, as I reflected,
on my earlier inability to attend Morris's funeral.

Wednesday 22nd October
Sarah and Mark came here again,
and Sarah cooked us another lovely meal
as we examined the ripples from 'Mum and Dad's' break-up
before they took me out for a Pint at the Woody
but I was pleased to find out that I had coped with stuff sufficiently
 as Sarah had expected a possible six Months of alcoholic excess.

Tuesday 21st October
Since Rachel tempted me to take off my clothes
and experience the benefits of a Sun Shower,
at the 'Tropicana 2' Professional Tanning Studio,
I've been pleased-ish with how my skin reacted
to the three sessions that I've so-far enjoyed.

Sunday 19th October
As I've tried to fight the pains of mind and body of late,
I'm pleased that, while the arm is still painful to the breath,
I've got the use of my hand back, albeit tingly, and
I hope to cope with pen-and-paper forms soon, as well as,
to start replying to the kind E-mails that I've recently received.

Friday 17h October
I received 'our' Bank Statement
and realised the mess I'm in.

Kerry took the opportunity to pop up for the weekend.

Whilst I've been trying to overcome my physical adversities,
through selfish isolation, these last few weeks,
I was happy that Tom enticed me to Storeton,
which caused me to think, nicely,
as I rationalised my discomfort,
as I heard a cool 'Butchers' thought,
never try to catch a falling knife
or a wayward wife.

Sunday 12th October
After enjoying an 'England' Rugby Match on the TV,
I was able to do the Supermarket run
without need to purchase a bottle of spirit
that's now a week without such artificial bottled 'Spirit'
but, while my dis-ease has improved these last few days,
from painful to nasty and uncomfortable
I'm still not functioning properly around the house,
although I'm starting to eat occasionally
and I must apologise for all the un-answered E-mails of late.

Saturday 11th October
I was saddened by the loss of another friend today,
who has been peacefully unshackled from his earthly pain,
and my most sincere thoughts of condolence go out to Eve,
Morris's much loved companion, and to all of their Family.

Friday 10th October
Went out for a 'spur of the moment' pint to the Woody
and enjoyed watching people interact,
on what had previously been Sylvia's 'Dancing' night out.

Thursday 9th October
I was pleased to have broken-through my 'Marathon type' wall
but I was disappointed that I encountered another bloke's vitriol
when I went across the road tonight.

Wednesday 8th October
Sylvia called in, before her work, with a kind thought,
and we chatted, calmly, without any nasty stuff,
over a nice cup of tea
before I drove us both into Town
where we parted in the Municipal car park,
going our opposite directions,
I didn't look back
but just thought 'be happy',
as my 40 Days of Mourning are now over.
Stuff has happened
but it's time for us to get on with our individual lives,
remembering the good times, as friends, together,
as I visited various offices,
and accepted the need to hand in 'the forms' to the System,
only to get more forms in return.

While my heart has been broken
I believe that sunshine will eventually breakthrough
this moonless solitude.

Knowing that there were people that I could talk to,
without any angst, I visited the Woody again, in the evening,
and was pleased that Kay, with her new found Management credentials,
offered to go down into the cellar to get me a warmer Newcastle Brown Ale,
at an un-cool temperature,

Tuesday 7th October
Received a regular phone call from Morris
who was concerned at my sudden use of the word 'nasty'
but I assured him that it had only been a fleeting, rational, thought.

Monday 6th October
Received Sylvia's Bank statement in the Post
and I so much enjoyed hearing her voice again
when I phoned her
to ask whether I should redirect her mail
and we arranged for her to call-in tomorrow
but I later received a dodgy phone call from her
I wanted, so much, to hear her voice flow
but was frustrated by the poor quality signal from her phone
as every-other word, or so, was lost
as she moved, quickly, around her workplace
asking if it was OK to postpone her visit to Wednesday
but she probably didn't hear me say 'I miss you'.
Obviously, I agreed to see her again
as every minute of sensual encounter,
whether under her rules or not,
is so much enjoyed
but I'm wondering whether I should start to be a tad nasty.

Sunday 5th October
Depression hit-in hard over the weekend
as I dwelled, alone, with my increasing poor health
and I realised that I wasn't taking this horrible stuff
as well as I thought I was
but I remain determined to get through this present sadness
with heads held high by all concerned.

Friday 3rd October
Received a letter from the Post Office
telling me that Sylvia's mail was now being re-directed.

Thursday 2nd October
Went across the road in the evening,
and I had a few pints with Barry and friends
before returning to my empty 'home'
without a bottle to back me up.

Wednesday 1st October
Went to the Woody in the evening
and had a few pints with Scotty and Tony
and I returned home to a bottle-free environment.
before posting my revised timeline.

Tuesday 30th September
I accepted the Solitude
of an alcohol free day
and worked on my Timeline
after receiving an interesting E-mail.

Sunday 28th September
On returning home,
after driving Sarah and Mark home,
I knew that I was now home alone,
apart from her dog,
and I opened another bottle of Spirit
in an attempt to cloud my emptiness.

Saturday 27th September
Michael went up to London for a few days to see Kerry
and I drove into Chester to pick up Sarah and Mark
along with her sewing machine and Mark's computer,
and, after Mark had charged up his Xp pc on my Broadband,
and we had all been read our Lüscher results,
we talked into the dawn
about Sarah's meeting with her Mum, the previous day,
Mark's new direction and my "tuff" stuff.

Friday 25th September
Received a Solicitors letter, informing me
that Sylvia had commenced divorce proceedings,
accepting her adultery
rather than my understanding that she just wanted a legal separation,
and it strongly advised me to seek independent legal advice
but I'm past caring.

Thursday 24th September
I was most pleased that Fraser talked me into
attending an interesting Chapter night,
and an enjoyable meal, and Barry empathised.

Wednesday 24th September
Garry came here in the afternoon
and took me out for a most enjoyable chat
and I attempted a meal.

I later talked calmly with Sylvia, on the phone,
and opened her mail for her
as she told me that she had not heard from her Solicitor yet
but I felt need/able to experience my local pub alone, again
as I had retreated there on Sylvia's bombshell night,
during the time that he was coming to pick her up.

Since Michael placed two DVDs on the table, the other day,
Frank Herbert's 'Dune' & 'Children of Dune'
whenever Sylvia and I used to raid Michaels DVD collection,
I only remembered them as DVDs that were a bit slow for Sylvia's taste,
I've been captivated by Frank Herbert's thoughts, these last few days,
as I've long accepted that there are more questions
than answers given.

Tuesday 23rd September
My Mother eventually called in with Aunty Dot
as they had to visit someone in the Hospital next-door
so I printed out a copy of the current invisible scream for her.

I later phoned Sylvia's family to check that all was well
and found greater problems (MS) than mine
but I was happy that they were relieved
 to have eventually heard Sylvia's side of this happening. 

Sunday 21st September
I got stuck into sorting out the bathroom,
while Michael mucked in with the washing machine,
before we ventured to the supermarket together
but I was distracted a few times by a nice lady
who kept blocking my side of the aisles,
and I was tempted to ask her advice,
as we obviously have common tastes,
maybe next time I'll be able to look back and smile,
and we treated ourselves to a ready-cooked chicken and some pasta stuff,
while I stayed away from the Alcohol aisle
I bought anti-smoking gum, reluctantly,
as well as some Highland Spring Water.

As Michael, and I, haven't worked out the tumble-dryer bit,
as-yet, and it was raining,
we used the heat from the radiators to dry some clothes
and I later enjoyed the wasted hot water,
to enjoy a long soak in an aromatherapy bath.

Saturday 20th September
Lethargy and sadness controlled the day, yet again,
after Rob called around with a 'chin up' bottle,
and I was made aware of my lack of self-control with alcohol limits,
as I arbitrarily explored my CD collection while putting these four lines together.

Friday 19th September
Steve came around again and we chatted, in the Woody,
about ways of saving my existing web endeavours
but I had to concentrate later,
on the goings-on in my left-over 'Joint account' Bank statements
and realised how precarious a position
Sylvia has dumped me in,
but I was pleased that I managed a few reasonable sleeps
without the use of a bottle.

Thursday 18th September
I received notification that I was officially sick for the foreseeable future
and would be in-need of receiving support/charity
but I went into the off-licence next door
and only bought a carton of cigarettes
rather than my recent daily intake of 40 Marlboro and a bottle.

Sarah and Mark came here to check that I was alright
and helped me sort out the detritus of family life
that had accumulated in the little room upstairs
and I felt sorry that they had to leave early
as I had previously, reluctantly, agreed to go across the road tonight
to another bloke's interesting 'Father/Son' Ceremony
and a 3 Course Meal.

On returning home, I had planned to try an early night
but on finding another kind E-mail from Sally,
reminding me of an album that I had given her a long time ago...
Kooper Session - Al Kooper introduces Shuggie Otis
I had to listen to both sides of my LP again.

I doubt that 'The Imitators' could get so intensely laid-back
but I needed a bit more 'chill' before retiring to my lonely bed
and so I tried Al Kooper's "I Stand Alone" on the platter,
but, while it was also cool,
it merely prepared me to take on Lynyrd Skynrd's "Freebird",
which, as I had desired, allowed me to feel better over Sylvia's release
as it had always been right for me in the past.

Wednesday 17th September
Taking the remnants of my shattered Marriage
and reshaping them in such a way,
as to be comfortable for those of us left behind,
has been difficult these last few days
but as I looked around my freely explored colour scheme,
using My usual colour Expectations,
Yellow and Red (Lüscher 1/2 or 2/1)
and our accumulated ornaments being repositioned,
I was happy that Sylvia would have been pleased
to have asked Jackie around for a chat,
and, as I put the final curtain hook in,
the doorbell rang, as arranged.

Sylvia looked lovely, less strained,
as she read her mail and collected some useful things,
but, as he was waiting outside,
she couldn't stop for a cup of tea
but passed a nice 'passing' comment on the decor.

I'm sure that I can cope better
when she calls in again next week
and we chat about the Legal advice
that she should have received by then,
from her Solicitor.

I later enjoyed playing with the more finite bits of home design
such as dead flower/live plant arrangements
or moving that there by an inch, or this there by a few centimetres
but I don't like, recently, but constantly,
seeing a Whisky bottle in my new image,
let alone fund such a habit.

Monday 15th September
About five hours after Kerry left with her Dad,
Michael understood my 'I miss you' weeks,
and we had a nice 'Crispy Duck' as Drakes.

Sunday 14th September
Three weeks ago, I was so pleased at how I'd controlled my Psoriasis and stuff
but, as expected, it's rampaging again this weekend
and I trust that I can, quickly, get it eased and 'under control'.

I received a warm 'Virtual E-mail Hug' from Sally, my very first 'True Love'
> Please reply as I can feel your sadness from here!
and, after enjoying playing 'Whiter Shade of Pale' again,
with it's fond memories and kind thoughts for the present... I did feel better.

Saturday 13th September
I managed to get my head together
sufficient to sort out a couple of friend's computers
coping with 'other people's' problems
during the day but in the evening
I had to re-feel past events,
explaining the shock news,
to Sylvia's so-far un-told Family
and I was happy
 that I was ready to return up-to greendale.

Friday 12th September 2003
Steve came here this afternoon and took me for a pint
and I appreciated his kind offer of help
and must accept that this personal venture needs to go Ltd..
Advice is needed.

Tom popped in and Tony phoned
before Michael and I did our first proper Supermarket run
assisted by Kerry,
who must also leave us on Monday,
to return to her University course.
and Tony, my next door neighbour, popped in again
to check that all was well

Thursday 11th September
I enjoyed eating again tonight
and later ventured across the road for a pint
and was intrigued at how other blokes, and a female,
viewed these 'Open Internet' thoughts,
as I have no idea of how I'm coping
through my present alcohol hazed disorientation.

Wednesday 10th September
I went into town and handed-in my 'Sickness Form' to the System
and got two more heavy forms in return,
then went to the Supermarket and glanced, a few times,
at a particularly nice female body, without guilt.

Michael had a day off work today, as did Sarah,
and Sarah kindly came here and prepared another meal
unaware that her Mum was also calling-in after-work
to pick up more Bank stuff, as I hadn't wanted to redirect it.

After I had been informed that Sylvia was seeking Legal advice tomorrow,
Kerry took a digital picture of the four of us,
as a Family, one more time.

I phoned a friend of mine, Brian, who is into image enhancement
because I think that, as I'm easily cropped out of the picture,
there is a lovely picture of Sylvia and her two children in there
for her to be Proud of... as I am.

I was happy that I could give Sylvia a hug, as she left again,
and I'm aware that she could sue me for showing the 'snapshot' moment
without asking her permission
but I'm past caring.

Monday 8th September
I found a note from Sylvia when I awoke,
from my first slumber in a while,
but I missed the opportunity to talk again with her,
prior to my CAB appointment...
maybe it was all the painting and decorating
that Michael, his pals and I did over the weekend,
as it seems that I've got a lot of legal form-filling-in to do,
to save the Family Home.

I was pleased to receive the 'The Wind' CD from Michael and Sarah
as I was expecting something special, and in-tune,
and 'She's Too Good For Me' is quite superb
without getting me into the 'low-esteem' stuff
and I enjoyed overdosing on its superb Blues and sadness
for a bit, but look forward to getting back up to greendale... soonish.

Friday 5th September
Sylvia came here today to pick up some mail from the Bank,
in her Married name, and I'm pleased
 that I could cope with making a nice cup of tea for her,
and we could talk about stuff... as I accepted my ring back.

I later phoned her, suggesting that she might like to join me
at my forthcoming  'Citizens Advice Bureau' appointment,
as I've come to terms with the reality that it's too late for Relate,
but I was very pleased that Sarah has arranged to meet her Mum on Sunday next.

Thursday 4th September
Sarah and Mark came here today
and Sarah cooked me a lovely meal for my 54th Birthday
and read my writings,
about my first acceptance of my responsibility for her,
but I didn't get a greetings card from Sylvia,
just an obscure 'Zippo'.

Monday 1st September
At long last, I went to see my Doctor,
with all it's potential ramifications,
 as I've long realised that I needed a dose of reality,
maybe I'm even enjoying this runaway passenger seat,
as I suppose that I've long known, 
that I will eventually need a Carer rather than a Lover
and was promptly signed off work for the next three months.

Sunday 31st August
It must have been the hardest hour of my life
when Sylvia came here, this evening, to collect her extra stuff
but I was pleased that I could do the right thing,
after the trials of my attempting a 'nice' marriage breakdown,
and I was willing to print-out a 'good character' reference,
 for her to take to the Bank
as well as, trembling, coping with closing the door as she left again.

Now I know that I've got to understand the washing machine...  
and her dog, Trixie.

Saturday 30th August
I'm (gritting my few remaining teeth, as I use the word) happy
that our Daughter, as I write this update, is prepared to text her Mum
and our Son, Michael, has added a nice comment to my 'Good Luck for the Future' card
which I had signed, in readiness for tomorrow's visit, by my long-time friend.
I can't believe how good the 'greendale' stuff has been
in helping me through this odd stuff.
OK, I do remember how 'Are You Passionate'
got me through dealing with the Scottish person.

I found my old poetry folder whilst looking through stuff
and was surprised, that in my writing days,
I had recorded my first meeting with Sylvia and Sarah.
After reading my past thoughts, I was then able to look through our photo albums
without pity... just a lot of short stories with fond memories.

Wednesday 27th August, 10.10 am
Sylvia closed the door on our marriage
I could only sit here at the computer, in disbelief,
head in hands, with my back to the situation
as she set off with her new man to pasture's greener
knowing that she had been assured
that she will always have a friend here.

Tuesday 26th August
Sylvia came here early in the morning, after her sleep-in at work
 and I was pleasantly pleased to see her when I woke,
unfortunately, she was most displeased
 with the, then current version of this Internet outlet of my sadness,
as I'd printed out my less cryptic thoughts for her,
which were deeper than these present shortened comments,
as I'd got nothing else to lose
but perchance/serendipity, her friend, Jacky,
had read those thoughts prior to Sylvia, a private person, going public
but during the day, we got through the packing of her things,
as I lost myself re-learning the art of the ironing board
while sharing the greendale DVD.

In the evening we talked and,
after she had gone up to our bedroom
to phone the dreaded N,
I opened a second bottle of wine for her,
and had hope and intimacy... but
after she went upstairs again to phone her new bloke,
and he wouldn't answer his phone
her tirades against 'everything' were clear for the neighbours to hear,
let alone Michael and Kerry upstairs and
after another horrible secret was disclosed
I had to suggest
that the sooner she moved out
would be preferable to later.

Monday 25th August
I was surprised to see Sylvia here yesterday morning
and was really pleased that we could still talk like Grown-ups.

We've known for a long time, that I'm a bit odd
and I thought that I'd got it 'sort-of' under-control
but even I was pleasantly surprised,
that I could accept my present bereavement
as a new birth for a friend.

Saturday 23rd August
I was happy as I enjoyed the evening's switch-off,
alone, exploring my plastic LP collection
with Harry Chapin, Mickey Newbury, John Denver, The Doors, etc.
as they took me back through previous relationship failures
which helped me build a confidence for the future of all concerned.

I tried a couple of quiet screams of despair today
but thought it a bit loud for my neighbours, Tony and Mo.
who were in Ireland.

This invisible scream into the Internet is... most therapeutic.

Wednesday 20th August
My Wife, Sylvia, after handing me a very large Brandy,
 informed me that she is exchanging me for another bloke,
as she had fallen in Love
with a younger 'Painter and Decorator', whilst dancing,
after 28 years of us being one.

I was devastated, as I thought I knew her so well... too well,
but I remembered how supportive she has previously been to me
and I knew how little fun my health had brought into her life of late
so I decided to take-it like an English Man and went to the Woody,
while her new man picked her up
and they talked, and on her return, we talked
through this cold and uncontrolled post-menopausal explosion
and we shared our bed... one more time.

This page was originally only supposed to show
a few snippets of my sort of Music Stuff
but sometimes other stuff 'hits the fan' in strength
and I'm sure that there must be someone out there
who can empathize with the sadness that ensued.

Saturday 16th August
Michael, our Son, treated me to the wonderful new LP,
greendale from Neil Young
OK, it's really a CD + video DVD, via play.com

Saturday 19 July
I enjoyed listening to a 2002 radio chat with J. J. Cale.

Fiday 11 July
Found out that Warren Zevon's
last/final album 'The Wind' will be released in August and
while I'm personally "Still Looking for the Next Best Thing"
I also saw that there is something new from Leonard Cohen soon.

Thursday 10 July
I was found wanting, Guilty, in a Legal  'English' County Court
because I Trusted a Man's Word, from a 'Glaswegian' male.

Friday 27 June
Received a nice return E-mail from Al Kooper.

Thursday 26 June
Took advantage of my explorations of the Internet,
at a leisurely pace, via our new found Broadband connection,
to send an E-mail to Al Kooper
thanking him for his contribution to my life.

Monday 16 June
While I've long-time enjoyed my 'dial-up' Cix Internet connection,
I've also taken the jump to 'NTL' Broadband
and I'm intrigued about how best to 'freely' promote the Cix concept further.
OK, twice now, I've been misled by the NTL Telesales team but,
while NTL also aren't also very good at returning their promised phone calls,

As a long time listener to Bob Harris,
it seems that I now fall into the 'Classic Rock' category
when browsing the numerous Internet Radio Stations,
such as DR Rock and Station6070S,
while MSN has me as 'Folk Essentials'
when Radio@Netscape Plus has me as 'Psychedelic'
but it all adds to my life's list of meta tags...
John Mayall, a Psychedelic Macclesfield Man... Mmm.

Saturday 7 June
Kerry joined our family for her Summer break.

Site Updated  11-Apr-2012
Copyright © drakesvision 1996-2012
Website Hosted by Cix

If you found this page interesting
give your Partner, or Parent, a gentle hug when you next meet.