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CREDIT: Doug Syms -- LANGLEY, British
Columbia
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A 34-yr.. old white male found dead in the
basement of
his home died of suffocation, police said. He was approximately
6' 2" and
225 lb. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle
shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's
uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had
the filter
canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end
of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden section of bedpost
approximately
12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. This bedpost was
inserted into
his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his
suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his
death to his
family members "very awkward."
**********
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light
aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears they
decided to
"moon" the occupants of the other plane, but lost
control of the plane
and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with
their pants
around their ankles.
**********
A police officer in Ohio responded to a call
that was
made to 911. She had no details before arriving except that
someone was
reporting that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the
officer
found the man face down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him
over to
check for a pulse and to start CPR if necessary, she noticed burn
marks
around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the
man (who
turned out to be dead on arrival at hospital), the police made a
closer
inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole
between
the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over they discovered what
caused
his death. Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis
between
the cushions, down into the hole and between two electric sanders
(with
the sandpaper removed for obvious reasons). According to the
story, after
his orgasm the...ahem...discharge shorted out one of the sanders,
electrocuting
him.
**********
(AP) LOS ANGELES - Police officials would not
release
the name of a Pacoima man who was found dead yesterday after
responding to complaints from neighbours that a
bad smell
was coming from his apartment. Upon entering the apartment,
officers were
surprised to see that every square inch of the apartment,
including appliances
and even the inside of the toilet, were covered with pornographic
images
cut from magazines. "The visual effect was very
unsettling," said Officer
Hradj of the Pacoima Police. "Because everything
looked the same,
you could not tell where one wall ended and a doorway
began." The surprises
did not end there, however. Police described the man as having
"concocted
a wire frame around his head" upon which he had taped
various pornographic
images, apparently so he could freely move about his apartment
without
ever losing his close-up view of nude bodies. Small slits
had been
cut into the paper so he could find his way, but according to
Hradj, "He
had almost no peripheral vision. He could barely see a
thing." The man
was found nude with this wire frame entangled in a hanging lamp.
"We think
he had been dusting," said another police officer,
"because a feather duster
was lying nearby, and his head gear had somehow become caught in
the lamp,
which was chained to the ceiling." The man allegedly choked
to death trying
to extricate himself from his predicament. According to his
apartment
manager, the white male in his mid-30's never left his apartment,
and had
food delivered weekly. Funeral
services are planned for next week. His is next of
kin
requested that his name be withheld.
**********
A young Inuit man, searching for a way of
getting drunk
cheaply because he had no money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the
fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned
his house
down, killing both him and his sister.
*********
A 27 year old French woman lost control over
her car on
a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously
injuring her
passenger and killing her. As a commonplace road accident, this
would not
have qualified for a Darwin nomination were it not for the fact
that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key
ring, which
had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In
attempting
to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the
woman lost
her own.