Hollywood Hijinx Transcript

[Map can be reconstructed from the transcript.]

You open your eyes after a long nap. Your neck is stiff and your knees are scrunched up against the seat in front of you. Then, like a bad dream, you remeber the awful movie you were watching: "Slash 'n' Chop Sock Hop." Sleep was a blissful escape, and a sensible alternative to leaving the air-conditioned theater and returning to the 98-degree, 98-percent humidity outside. But now the movie is over, everyone has gone home, and you're locked up, alone, in the theater.

Smoking section, in the seats

You're sitting in a worn red-velvet seat. The main aisle is to the east. The screen in front of you is blank. On the seat next to you is a shoebox. Garbage is strewn all over the floor.

>GO EAST

You'll have to stand up first.

>STAND UP

As you stand, you step on spilled popcorn, candy, and soda. Your sneakers stick to the floor like a fly in molasses.

>GO EAST

You can't move. Your sneakers are stuck to the floor.

>LOOK IN THE SHOEBOX

Inside the shoebox is a pair of roller skates.

>TAKE OFF THE SNEAKERS

(sitting on the seat first)

Okay, you are no longer wearing the sneakers.

>PUT ON THE ROLLER SKATES

(taking the roller skates first)

The roller skates have no laces, so you can't use them.

>INVENTORY

You are carrying a ticket stub and a box of string licorice.

>LACE THE SKATES WITH THE LICORICE

You successfully put on the roller skates using the string licorice as shoelaces.

>STAND UP THEN GO EAST

Okay, you are now standing.

You skate between the seats and arrive at...

Aisle

An arched doorway to the lobby lies south. Seats are off to the east and west.

>SKATE SOUTH

You skate up the aisle and arrive at...

Lobby

The front door to the street is to the south. A staircase leads up to the balcony, and an arched doorway to the downstairs auditorium lies north. In the corner is a counter where patrons can buy popcorn, candy, and soda. An usher's uniform is draped over the counter.

>OPEN THE FRONT DOOR

The front door is locked.

>UNLOCK IT

You don't have the key.

>KNOCK ON IT

There's no answer.

>SEARCH THE UNIFORM

In the uniform you find a flashlight, a white note, and a yellow note.

>TAKE ALL FROM UNIFORM

flashlight: Taken.
white note: Taken.
yellow note: Taken.

>READ THE WHITE NOTE

"Don't forget to lock all the doors. Signed, the Manager."

>READ THE YELLOW NOTE

"Grampa likes 'High Noon'. Signed, the Projectionist."

>LOOK BEHIND THE COUNTER

All you see is popcorn, candy, and soda.

>GO UPSTAIRS

You can't go upstairs wearing roller skates.

>TAKE OFF THE ROLLER SKATES

Okay, you are no longer wearing the roller skates.

>TAKE OFF THE ROLLER SKATES

Okay, you are no longer wearing the roller skates.

>GO UP

You climb up. The air gets thin.

Balcony.

It's too dark to see anything!

>TURN ON THE FLASHLIGHT

Okay, the flashlight is now on.

From way up here, the screen looks no bigger than a postage stamp. A rope suspended from the ceiling is tied to a railing around the balcony. Across the abyss of the auditorium you see a catwalk. A staircase leads down to the lobby, and a door on the east wall is closed. Next to the door is a frowning grandfather clock.

>OPEN THE DOOR

The door is locked.

>LOOK AT THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK

The grandfather clock has only one hand, which is pointing to the right of 10 and to the left of 11. The face on the clock is frowning.

>READ THE NOTE

Which note do you mean, the white note or the yellow note?

>YELLOW

"Grampa likes 'High Noon'. Signed, the Projectionist."

>TURN THE HAND RIGHT TO 12

As you turn the hand on the clock to 12, the face on the clock begins to smile. Just as you get to 12, the clock bongs noisily, Grampa laughs, and the door opens.

>EAST

Projection Booth

This is a very small room. A blue projector points out a window down towards the screen below. Next to the projector are 4 reels of film.

>LOOK AT THE REELS

Three of the reels - the red, white, and blue reels - are marked "Slash 'n' Chop Hop." One reel - the orange one - is marked "Don't let the audience see this!"

>TAKE THE ORANGE REEK

[Sorry, but this story doesn't know the word "reek."]

>OOPS REEL

Taken.

>PUT THE ORANGE REEL IN THE FILM PROJECTOR

Okay, the orange reel is now on the projector.

>TURN ON THE PROJECTOR

The projector is now on, and the film begins to roll.

>LOOK AT THE SCREEN

The film was shot in the lobby of this theater! A model dressed as an usher says to the camera, "Try our popcorn: it's really yummy!" Then the model reaches into the mounds of popcorn, takes a handful, and eats it, smiling. Suddenly there's a crunch, and the model stops smiling. She pulls a key out of her mouth, says "Oh, gross me out!" and throws the key back into the mounds of popcorn. Several people off-camera snicker at the model, someone yells "Cut!" and the film ends.

>W. D

Balcony

Lobby

You see a pair of roller skates here.

>LOOK

Lobby

The front door to the theater is to the south. A staircase leads up to the balcony, and an arched doorway to the downstairs auditorium lies north. In a corner is a counter where patrons can buy popcorn, candy, and soda. An usher's uniform is draped over the counter. You see a pair of roller skates here.

>SEARCH THE POPCORN

In the mounds of popcorn you find a key, which you take.

>UNLOCK THE FRONT DOOR WITH THE KEY

The key doesn't fit the front door.

>EXAMINE THE KEY

You see nothing interesting about the key.

>U. L

Balcony

From way up here, the screen looks no bigger than a postage stamp. A rope suspended from the ceiling is tied to a railing around the balcony. Across the abyss of the auditorium you see a catwalk. A staircase leads down to the lobby, and a door on the east wall is closed. Next to the door is a frowning grandfather clock.

>TAKE THE ROPE

You grab onto the rope, though it is still tied to the railing.

>UNTIE ROPE

Okay, the rope is now untied.

>JUMP OFF THE BALCONY

Johnny Weissmuller would be proud. Holding onto the rope, you swing in a magnificent arc across the cavernous room. Just when you think you'll hit the seats below, you land feet-first onto a catwalk. With monumental stupidity, you then let go of the rope, which swings away out of reach.

Catwalk

This is a small, rickety platform. The downstairs auditorium is far below you. A ladder leads up.

>UP

Catwalk

This is a small, rickety platform. The downstairs auditorium is far below you. A ladder leads down, and another leads up.

>G

Catwalk

This is a small, rickety platform. The downstairs auditorium is far below you. A ladder leads down, and another leads up.

>G

Catwalk

This is a small, rickety platform. The downstairs auditorium is far below you. A ladder leads down. Inexplicably, a door is set into the wall here, hundreds of feet above the floor.

>OPEN THE DOOR

The door is locked.

>UNLOCK THE DOOR WITH THE KEY

The door is now unlocked.

>OPEN THE DOOR

As you open the door, you are hit with the heat and the humidity. You get dizzy. You step back, teeter for a moment, grasp for a railing that isn't there... and wake up. Your neck is stiff and your knees are scrunched up against the seat in front of you. Then, like a bad dream, you remember the awful movie you were watching: "Meltdown on Elm Street."