Pantomime is a zone of theatrical misrule. To children, it offers the chance to behave like kids with impunity; to adults… frankly, exactly the same. It aims to purvey both fun and wonder, both suspension of disbelief and moments at which we all know better than to buy it for a second. Individual pantos may choose slightly differing paths: they may go for raucous energy, or play a straight traditional bat, or hope that some self-conscious showbiz glitz (Priscilla Presley at Wimbledon, anyone?) will work the magic.
    
This production in a specially-erected theatre inside the O2 dome goes for spectacle, but goes too far. It has all the shape of panto, but virtually none of the spirit. It ought to boast a perfect dame in Paul O’Grady’s now semi-retired drag alter ego Lily Savage, but it has precious little to offer besides. The cast all have solid musical-theatre form, led by Jon Lee (once of S Club 7) as Aladdin and Issy van Randwyck as the Slave of the Ring. The musical routines all but eschew the usual pop route in favour of semi-standards, show tunes and novelty numbers. “Show” is the central, fatal concept: director/choreographer David Morgan (the programme lists no writer’s credit) sets out to provide a show to fill this 1900-seater space, a show that looks like a panto but really isn’t.
    
The comic policemen may trot out the classic “Who’s on first” routine; there may be not one but two pantomime elephants, and a genuinely impressive flying carpet illusion; but there are gaps which cut to the heart of the form. It’s culpably negligent to design two separate launderette sets but refuse to stage either a messy “slosh” scene or the alternative shrink-in-the-wash routine. The penultimate “front-curtain” scene is present and correct, a silly sing-along… but no young-audience participation, nor even shout-outs to groups in the audience or those celebrating birthdays. As for an opening scene that starts with a funeral and shades into a zombie-apocalypse dance sequence, what were they thinking? When Lily tries to rouse the audience to time-honoured panto shouts, even a performer of her/his skill falters in the face of a Lily Savage audience who are only pretending to be at a panto, which in turn is only pretending to be one.
     
Written for the Financial Times.