REGISTER .co.uk domain names for £10 and .com names for £18 for more details visit http://www.a-q.co.uk or tel: 0800 389 5815

CELLULAR TELEPHONE JAMMERS available for all European GSM networks - buy now at www.globalgadgetuk.com

NEED A NEW HI-FI? For anything from DVD to Minidisc, surround sound to CD -- nip down to RICHER SOUNDS and pick up the lowest-priced gear in the UK… GUARANTEED! FOR A FREE BARGAIN-PACKED CATALOGUE, call 0845 1 300 200.

LIFE PAINTING AND CONTEMPORARY MOSAIC courses available - Languedoc. www.artholiday.com

GNOME STUDY cartooning courses by mail or CD-ROM. http://www.draw-cartoons.com

PLACE YOUR SPEECH ON THE WEB. Tel. 07968-527 508 John.

LIMITED COMPANY FORMATIONS - don't pay your solicitor £100 for printing and signing a few templates... do it yourself with our company formations kit for just £10, AND discover how being limited could save you £4,102 in tax: http://www.company-formations-uk.co.uk/

CRISIS MANAGEMENT -- Need to manage your bad news? Audit your business for risk? Limehouse. The crisis management company. We know what works. What doesn’t. And how best to get you through the problem. 020-7802-5460. www.limehousepartners.com

PROFESSIONAL LIABILITY CLAIMS. Lost out due to bad advice? Why don’t you sue your adviser? Contact GORVIN, SMITH, FORT SOLICITORS and we’ll do it for you. FREEPHONE 0800 214531 or E-mail enquiries@gorvin.co.uk

SPEECHWRITING by Britains leading professional. Laughter fully guaranteed! Corporate, Social, Political. Strictly confidential. Visa/Mastercard. Call MITCH MURRAY -- 01624 622660.

SORT IT! Obsessive-compulsive organises files, archives, libraries. Business or personal, computer or paper. Free quote. 07771 562863 -- sorted@meister.com

ACCOMMODATION ADDRESS PRIVATE, DISCREET, CONFIDENTIAL mail/message-holding service, REGENT STREET. Established 1979. 020 7580 4242. E-mail: enquiry@hold-everything.com -- www.hold-everything.com

HYPNOTHERAPY WORKS! Come and see Jessica Richards in Harley St; London Medical Centre 020 7935 0023 -- richjess@globalnet.co.uk

VIAGRA. Medical clinic supplies genuine, UK pharmacy tablets at lowest overseas prices. £9.99 only for trial double dose.(100mg). Details from All Saints Clinic, PO Box 60-372, 8102 Paphos, Cyprus.

CLINICAL NEGLIGENCE CLAIMS -- Lost out due to incompetence? Why don’t you sue? Contact GORVIN, SMITH, FORT SOLICITORS And we’ll do it for you. FREEPHONE 0800 214531 or E-mail enquiries@gorvin.co.uk

UPRIMA -- KAMAGRA -- VIAGRA. Lowest-cost erection perfection. 0701 071 8424. EuroMed Overnight -- www.viagib.com

SOUTH WEST FRANCE Tarn Region -- spacious stone farmhouse, surrounded by own land. Lovely views in a tranquil valley. Near river Viaur. 2 double and 2 twin bedrooms. Large salinated swimming pool. Ten minute drive from small market town. Available June to September. For prices and brochure phone 0033 5 63765728.

COMFORTABLE HOLIDAY COTTAGE, SOMERSET. Glastonbury Town Centre overlooking Abbey near to Tor and Chalice Well. Sleeps 3. £165 per week. Phone 01234 211606 or e-mail: AbbeyGlast@aol.com -- for Brochure.

MAGNANIMOUS HIGHER LEVEL PHILANTHROPIST ESSENTIAL to help liquidate £78k Mt Everest. Clydesdale 82-70-22, Acc 70505416 or Box 0248. Eternally indebted.

DIVORCED AND DESPERATE SINGLE MOTHER of two sadly overtaken by debt needs £15,000 to clear and start life in the black. Box 0547.

STRUGGLING ACTRESS needs £16,477.83 to get started. NatWest 60-30-03, 12253464.

ABUSED MOTHER OF SIX and children desperately need 35K to leave domestic violence to relocate. Account Number 78484650 sort code 60-14-37 -- mothersix@hotmail.com

STIGMATISED? LABELLED? SUICIDAL? So are our members. Club needs £25K to stop the rot. INSPIRATIONS: Sort Code 30-93-34, Account Number 0003936.

SMALL SCOTTISH ISLAND needs £50K to complete funding for Community/Heritage project. Information 01857 622282. Clydesdale 82-66-00, 00396614

DESPERATE FOR £24K funding for a fantastic TV programme. Can’t get backing as not famous. Please help break the cycle and realise a dream. Shared profits. BBC radio interviews agreed to promote once complete. Co-op 08-92-86, 23312005. Box 0348.

RARE PAINFUL SKIN DISEASE, aggravated by experimental treatment -- unemployable. Lawsuit unsuccessful, home endangered: £25,000 desperately needed. Bless you! 08-60-72, 3177537.

BAROQUE MUSIC ENSEMBLE recently lost £2000. Please support our recovery. Natwest 600423, 24018732.

EYE SILLY BIZ –I  want to write the book, how to be an alienist by George Pay-Me-Cash. I need a word processor. If the books sells you get 10%. Nick McKenna, 50 Pauls Moss, Whitchurch, SY13 1HN.

ANIMAL REFUGE NEEDS £30,000 to secure permanent home for it's residents. Cash needed now, eviction imminent, Please help. Visit Willows Animal Sanctuary http://www.willowsanimals.com Charity No.SCO29625.

FREELANCE COMPOSER. Business failed. £15,000 debt to clear before I can join VSO and make a difference. Barclays 20-20-65 70297712. Box 1445.

PLEASE HELP ME! Genuine, sincere woman in vicious circle of £16k of debt. Barely surviving. All I want is a fresh start. Please! 80-11-94 00216122 BoS.

PROFESSIONAL FEMALE, high earner but plagued by chequered financial history seeks consolidation loan of 25k to repay all debt & regain credit status. Refs. available. Monthly repayments of £600 over 4 years @ 10% interest ( £31,680). Genuine offers only please. Box 0246.

LIFE INSURANCE PREMIUMS KILLING YOU? Call our lifesaver line and we’ll save you. 01291 625683 -- BEAUFORT WALES LTD, Independent Financial Advisers. Regulated by the Financial Services Authority. www.beaufortwales.co.uk -- also annuities and other stuff.

MAKE MOVIES British spy thriller seeks investors. a-list cast, experienced crew, pre-production completed. filming this year. CONTACT: e.berrie@vigin.net

HARDWORKING PUBLISHER currently unemployed looking for work -- petertimperley@another.com -- 01202 620929

RENAISSANCE MAN, 47, rendered incapable by diverse capabilities, seeks interesting (not get-rich-quick) part-time work in Cambridge area - lerp2@cam.ac.uk

TOP OXFORD 1ST, FEMALE, 29, highly organised, articulate, fluent French & Italian, seeks interesting employment -- intuit72@yahoo.co.uk

SOMERSET LEVELS. Two lovingly restored barns. www.somersetholidays.com. T. 01823 491 405.

GREAT FAMILY HOLIDAYS IN DORDOGNE, South West France. Visit: www.lacombe.ws

COTSWOLD GLIDING CLUB. 4&5 day holiday courses inclusive of all flying and instruction. Prices from £200. Tel: 01285 760415.

CRETE FOR LOVERS. Private village houses/hotels. Singles/Couples 00 30 822 032 030. -- www.crete-direct.com

SECOND HOME? FIRST STEP… Homes Overseas magazine -- now on sale from all good newsagents - www.homesoverseas.co.uk for information on homes overseas exhibition programme.

LAKE BAIKAL - HAVE YOU A SENSE OF ADVENTURE? Discover the world's largest freshwater lake before everyone else. Incredibly beautiful and unspoilt.  Fly or take the Trans Siberian - let Alexander Loginov guide you on his boat for an exciting and unforgettable holiday -- baikalbs@burnet.ru

DIRTY WEEKEND AT ROSS. 7-foot four-poster, real fires, sheepskin rugs, chocolate and wine. bar, sauna, qualified masseur, spectacular views. Brochure: 01989 562033.

LARGE HOUSE -- SEVEN BEDROOMS, pool, courtyards, walled garden, to rent near Carcassonne (Ryanair) -- www.artholiday.com

CHAT ROOM 25p/min. 100+ girls online 24hrs. JCG, tn219dz, 09062 765 264.

CONTACT GENUINE SINGLE WOMEN & Men online 24hrs. 60p/min, JCG, tn21 8xz -- 09063 620246.

BEAUTIFUL RUSSIAN LADIES -- Colour brochures, trips. No membership fee. Quick contact. Call Nick & Lilya 0113 2733442 (24hrs) -- www.russian-rendezvous.co.uk

www.ivorytowers.net -- The intelligent online friendship and matchmaking site for students and alumni from the UK's leading universities.  For all eras. IT'S A NEW WAY OF DOING AN OLD THING.

www.Findyourperfectpartner.com -- you may just click! Our MutualMatch system is the world's most accurate. Currently bonus free membership period.

MATCHMAKER MAG for adult contacts: over 900 photos. APPROVAL copy from: MATCHMAKER, (S.76), Chorley, PR7 4BS. Or ring: 01257 480155 (24 hours).

FREE CONTACTS/ADULT PARTIES. Club membership pack: 0870 220 2527 -- www.club-aphrodite.com

BRAND NEW CLUB CONCEPT for broadminded adults /singles, gays, lesbians. Hurry -- limited membership! www.clubseduct.com

BEAUTIFUL RUSSIAN LADIES -- Colour brochures, trips. No membership fee. Quick contact. Call Nick & Lilya 0113 2733442 (24hrs) -- www.russian-rendezvous.co.uk

HEDONISM CLUB. Adult Parties, Clubbing, Holidays. 09099 100185 (75p/min) -- www.hedonism.org.uk 

NATURAL FRIENDS - quality on & off-line introductions. Free brochure 0800 281 933 -- www.natural-friends.com

THAI PARTNERS. New ethical agency introduces your ideal wife. Brochure, video 07810 562024 -- kthcastell@aol.com

THAI LADIES -- Superb videos. Colour brochure SIAM INTRODUCTIONS (established 14 years) as seen on TV (22 times!) -- 01689 860880. www.siam-intro.com

ATTACHED? SEEKING ROMANCE? Call David at LOVING LINKS 020 7602 8727. Info line 0906 550 1361 --  www.lovinglinks.co.uk -- Discreet dating at the speed of E-mail.

SPACECARD Roaming Business Card replaces ALL your information with one number that never changes. £19.95 at www.owonder.com/spacecard

CIX CONFERENCING lets you talk about anything, from Playstations to politics to pussycats -- with some of the best British brains. Fast internet access, helpline, e-mail, free software, webspace -- all at local call rates from just £7.34 incl. VAT a month. For your free CD-ROM call 0845 355 5050, or see www.cix.co.uk

REGISTER .co.uk domain names for £10 and .com names for £18 for more details visit http://www.a-q.co.uk or tel: 0800 389 5815.

COMPUTER TROUBLE? LET A GENUINE PC EXPERT HELP YOU with advice, installation, setup, programming and trouble-shooting -- and save yourself some big headaches. Call TOBY on 020 7229 3001 for friendly, professional advice.

YOU FEMALE -- married, unsatisfied -- me handsome, tactile, discrete, free daytime -- londontouch@hotmail.com or Box 0647

ATTRACTIVE ‘OLDER’ MAN, professional, educated, married, very, very, very wide interests -- WLTM ‘older’ lady (50-65) years, married or single, for discreet uninhibited affair. You are educated, interesting and randy. Looks unimportant, passion is. Inner London area, preferably. Box 1547.

STRAIGHTFORWARD, responsive married man, 50, slim, seeks similarly disposed woman for adventurous, exciting sex. East Anglia. Box 1248.

TALL, FIT, HANDSOME, DIVORCED EX-DIRECTOR, 48, now semi-retired and with time to spare, wltm slim adventuress for laughter and fun. SW London -- laertes100@aol.com

NORDIC ICE MAIDEN seeks Viking warrior -- 28 to 42 -- for pleasure in Valhalla. Box 1148.

AS SPRING APPROACHES, a tall, amusing, successful, strict man -- Bristol/London, 40 -- seeks a naughty younger woman for passion and hanky spanky. I live life to the full: film, theatre, travel, eating out and eating in, nights on the town and weekends in the country. I am generous, romantic and good humoured and love laughter and the rich tapestry of life. If you would like a fun relationship with some spice then please contact me with your telephone number. Box 0148 or eveready690@hotmail.com

MALE, FORTIES SEEKS OCCASIONAL DAY-TIME AFFAIR with smart intelligent attractive female, Edinburgh btbthside@lycos.com

NO BORING YOUNG FARTS, but a mature, amusing and educated man in his 50’s wanted by feisty, intelligent woman. Bristol. Box 0347.

NAUGHTY BOY, 39 -- extremely attractive -- seeks strict goddess for a fabulous adventure. Contact Adventures1962@aol.com -- or box 0948.

MALE ENTREPRENEUR, YOUTHFUL (SOME SAY) 50’s, has time 24/7 for discreet no strings fun times with 40’s/50’s slim lady. Sussex, Surrey, Hants. Box 0748.

FIRM, SHARP, CHALLENGING, single and slim male looking for a curvaceous female, 26-40 with a genuine penchant for much higher heels/lingerie (do you exist?). I am a young forties professional with GSOH seeking mutual rewarding and discrete good times/relationship. Box 0448.