ROLL OF HONOURWill medals be struck to reward patriotic citizens who distinguished themselves after Princess Diana's death, as happened after the Falklands? We do hope so. Here are the Eye's nominations for those whose conduct went well beyond the call of duty. MOST SELF-RIGHTEOUS TOSH "Readers of the Mirror know that -- particularly since she
started to rebuild her life two years ago -- we have been almost entirely
supportive of her... "True, we are all accountable, because we did push Princess Diana
too far. We wanted to be there every minute of every day, recording every
move she made, every word she uttered... In the end, Earl Spencer, if
we are guilty of any crime, it is because most of us loved her too
much." "Let us hope TV bosses join the Sun in refusing to use
intrusive royal shots." "The fashionable journals of liberal opinion -- the very papers
which derided Diana in life-- are busily exploiting her memory." "Mail Leads the Way in Banning Paparazzi Pictures" "On the day of the Princess's death, the Daily Telegraph
circulated a memo from the Editor to all staff which read: 'In our
coverage of the death of the Princess of Wales, please bear in mind that
what we write will be read and remembered by her children.' God knows, we
frequently fall short of what we aim at, but we do try, and so do many
other newspapers, some national, some provincial. The tabloids do
not." "From here on in, this paper has had enough. We will never publish
pictures of the young princes William and Harry in private situations
again." MOST TEARSTAINED EDITOR "Dear Colleague, I would like to reiterate my thanks and
admiration for everyone's massive efforts this week, especially with
today's early edition. MOST DISCREET FRIEND "I think it was about ten years ago that A. N. Wilson repeated a
private conversation he had had with the Queen Mother... I'm about to do a
Wilson and repeat a royal but private conversation..." "Private conversations are, of course, to be kept private, so I
will write only of my impressions of Princess Diana" MOST ABSENT-MINDED MP "Absolutely toe-curling... I can't account for what the Princess
was talking about... It is really the advanced stages of paranoia." "I'm very impressed by how many tributes have come from overseas.
It's amazing how much she was held in respect. I greatly admired the way
she campaigned against landmines... I have seen her often with the
children and I know how much she loved them and they loved her... The
tabloid press in this country need to examine their conscience... She had
very strong instincts and I am in no doubt she had great gifts in reaching
out to the poor, indisposed and sick. They are great qualities. She was a
great beauty. She was an icon for her generation..." MOST VERSATILE PUNDIT "The British public was in love with Diana. Men loved her for
obvious reasons. Women loved her, as has been said many times since she
died, because she went public with many of their concerns... She was, as
so many of the cards and posters and messages on the railings of the
palace aver, one of us... It's as simple and as personal as that. And that
is why we weep for ourselves and for her." "Am I alone in thinking that the country has momentarily taken
leave of its senses? Am I alone in thinking that there is a total
disparity between the feelings of the mob and the feelings of
well-balanced, intelligent people?... Those who think along these lines
have watched with astonishment at the scenes played out on the streets of
London over the past 10 days. We do not begin to understand why anyone,
let alone tens of thousands of people, should wish to stay up all night in
a sleeping bag, or pile flowers 10ft high, or leave messages to Di and
Dodi on every available wall, lamppost and railing between St James's and
Buckingham Palace... Are we really such babies that we need, or ask for,
such figures in our lives?" MOST CONSISTENT NEWSPAPER "The royal family is in danger of appearing archaic and coldly out
of touch. In response to a tragedy that has pierced Britain to the heart,
our monarchy has been mute. While people queue patiently for hours to
place on record just what Diana meant to them, from the Queen has come not
a syllable. She should have found a way of expressing the nation's
sadness." "How cruel we are... We congratulate ourselves on our own grief
for a Princess whom few of us met, pour pity on her two bereft sons -- and
then, in an act of wholly selfish cruelty, bitterly attack the two people
whom those two young Princes love more than anyone or anything else in
their shattered world. We call their beloved father cold and unfeeling;
their beloved granny stuffy and obsessed with protocol: will this be a comfort
to the two boys for whom we allegedly care?" MOST ACCURATE PREDICTION "I believe that on formal occasions one should behave with
propriety and respect. I'm utterly certain that there will not be a tear
from either Harry or William at their mother's funeral." "William for the first time looked utterly defenceless. The tears
finally came and as they sat on the gilt-and-red velvet chairs he kept his
protective hand over his face. His fingers held his trembling mouth in
position and wiped away the tears... Prince Harry's delicate, sweet face
finally crumpled. He cried like a child who was screaming inwardly: I want
Mummy back'." MOST TASTEFUL TRIBUTE Plug lead set.................. £15.12
Distributor cap .................£8.19
First class post & pack..........£4.60
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£27.91
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VAT on £27.91 @ 17.50%...........£4.89
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£32.80
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EVERYONE AT RIMMER BROS WISH TO EXPRESS THEIR PROFOUND
SADNESS AT THE TRAGIC DEATH OF PRINCESS DIANA.
MAY SHE REST IN PEACE.
-- Invoice from Rimmer Bros. of Lincoln, "Quality Parts for English Classics". MOST INGENIOUS MARKETING "Mercedes-Benz. Engineered to move the human spirit." MOST GENEROUS GESTURE "Dear Colleague, As many libraries will be closing on Saturday 6th
September out of respect for the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, it
is anticipated that you may not want to charge fines on items for that
day... Where fines are to be waived the operator must be given the
enablement to waive fines in the Utilities/Permissions/Rules menu. (See
System Manager 2: Application Maintenance, Chapter 9: Managing Enablements
for details.) In Talis 7 customers can also use Operator Override on the
Exceptions List where available." MOST HEROIC SACRIFICE "As a mark of the farming community's respect for the funeral of
Diana, Princess of Wales, NFU President Sir David Naish will be suspending
all work on his farm in Newark, Nottinghamshire, between I I am and 12
noon on Saturday morning during the memorial service at Westminster Abbey.
For further information contact the NFU press office." MOST DIGNIFIED APOLOGY "We apologise for the Princess Diana Page One headline 'Di Goes
Sex Mad' that is still on the stands in some locations. This issue was
locked up last week before her death and went on sale Friday 29 August
1997. It is currently being replaced as quickly as we are able with a
special 72-page tribute issue: 'A Farewell to the Princess We All Loved...
Di -- Her Final Hours'." |