THESE are difficult times for British Gnomeways, following the tragic events when I was appointed Chairman.

In the face of declining passenger numbers and increased competition from our “no-frills” rivals, British Gnomeways is delighted to introduce its new “no-staff” service.

This is a pared-down, cost-effective operation whereby passengers have to provide their
own meals and drinks, carry their
own bags on board and, in certain circumstances, fly their own planes.

Concerns about safety following the shedding of 99 per cent of the workforce are, however, groundless. Key staff will of course be retained and you can rest assured that my job as Chairman is completely safe.