Poor little Terry, he just sits and suffers in his bedroom,
Don’t know where to put himself, he sees no relief;
He hasn’t scored in ages, fears that he’s become a virgin,
Doesn’t get seduced so much as kicked in the teeth;
He thinks of last night’s date and shudders at the whole farrago,
Spent the entire evening wishing he were dead,
Until he realised that he had nothing left to lose, and
Throwing caution to the four winds, Terry said:
"Do you have a younger sister, one who isn’t so blasé?
Take me home and introduce me - maybe I could make her day;
Let’s face facts, I’m no Don Juan and you’re too inaccessible
So do you have a younger sister, one who’s more caressable?"

TRACK LISTING

• Trust Advice song that demanded to be recorded as a Lou Reed pastiche.
• Do You Have A Younger Sister? Objectionable quasi-'70s rock workout.
• Geronimo Divine Comedy cover. Strings and arpeggiated piano.
• Blue Eight-minute techno-shoegazing epic.
• susans dream Weird atmospheric shit, Scott Walker c. 1984.
• The Wind Changed Big Orchestral Angst department; traditional morose Side One closer.
• Watch Your Back Reply song to a Peter Blegvad number that mutated into a barrelhouse skank.
• The Wind Changed Again Instrumental supper-lounge jazz re-arrangement.
• Once More With Feeling Such a schmaltzy ballad it's not true.
• Big Magic Driving bass-led instrumental.
• I Called A Foolish Name Guest vocalist Kerry Kidd dispatches a tragic Celtic air.
• ...And All That Ludicrously pure-poppy catalogue song.
• Change And Tokens Downbeat, introspective, twangling coda.

Bonus tracks for download as Zipped MIDI files!

• The Big Magic Octet String re-arrangement of Big Magic makes it sound like

Walter Murphy and the Big Apple Band.
Click here to download.
• We'll Build You A New One, Mrs. McNulty Mark 1 version of Change And Tokens bears no relation at all to the finished version, sounding instead like a stroppy Blur instrumental covered by Krzysztof Penderecki.

Click here to download.

Click here to order your copy by e-mailing chealth@shutters.cix.co.uk

Click here to return to the main Cemental Health Records page.

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NOTE:

Do You Have A Younger Sister? is a song with a fictional narrator, who is not to be identified with the artist. In no wise do I advocate the practice of carnal relations with persons not of legal age. Indeed, at no point in the song does Terry engage in such practices.

This disclaimer is inserted for two purposes:

1) To signify my outrage at the unsubstantiated hype about "child pornography widely available on the Internet" and at the rabid witch-hunts and censorship following in the wake of such objectively groundless foamings; and

2) To spell out in as many words that I am not part of the worldwide conspiracy (which in any case does not exist) to steal children, wilfully abuse them and then eat them whilst singing paeans of praise to Beelzebub, using flags of all nations as bottom-wipes and preparing a mass armed uprising by the underclass of three continents with the aim of getting network television to screen unedited versions of Robocop and the like.

No doubt such a plain, unambiguous statement will still pass some cretins by and I'll shortly be hauled over the coals for material which I have never posted and never possessed, advocating practices which I have never committed and never condoned.

Now, if you want some really suspicious material, listen to my song Are You Sitting Comfortably? I'm sure you could prove from it that I'm a member of the Waffen SS. I mean, it's sung in the first person and everything, so it must be true...

That last bit's a joke, by the way.

In any case, all material on this page remains copyright, and may be used only with the express permission of the author(s).